Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
