I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
