Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
