i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
