you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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