I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I will die if light touches me.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
