she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
