honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize