Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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