I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
