Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize