i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
