You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
