HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
