Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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