Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
