I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
