i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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