Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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