You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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