Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize