I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
