Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
