i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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