I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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