i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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