This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
