he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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