I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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