All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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