So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
