One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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