I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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