You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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