The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
