did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
