Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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