yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just had sex bonerless
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
