Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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