Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
