I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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