Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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