Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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