her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
