I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
