i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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