Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
