I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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