Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
