After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
