My brain says no but my pants say off.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
