I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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