I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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