so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
