I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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