Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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