You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
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you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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