Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it glows. i had to have it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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