i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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