Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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