Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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