if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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