I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
