Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
