I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
